


The Roommate Agreement

by TheC_Word



Category: Underfell (Undertale AU), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: -Avril Lavigne, Asshole Sans, But Still A Bean, Computer Whizz, Disguising Pain With Humour, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Sex, F/F, F/M, Family Issues, Go Back To The Kitchen And Starve, In Fluff Because That's Where This Is Headed, Laugh While You Cry, M/M, Make Me A Sammich, Modern Racism, Multi, Nerds Before Birds, No Nonsense Reader, Past Child Abuse, Reader Has Zero Body Confidence, Skele-boning, Skele-sex, Slow Burn, Smart Is The New Sexy, Smart Reader, come burn with me, how do tags??, it's complicated - Freeform, meme humor, past self-harm, rip vine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:13:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23305852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheC_Word/pseuds/TheC_Word
Summary: ~^*^~Kicked out of your childhood home and left to fend for yourself, your faced with the looming threat of homelessness.That is until you come across the excentric roommate ad that changes your life forever.'ROOMMATE WANTED! NO TIME WASTERS!' Welp, what do you have to lose? Its not like your life can get any shittier.Fast Forward and here you are, sharing a house with two temperamental skelebros, the oldest of which aiming to make your life a living hell.Such a nuisance.You can't imagine life without them.~^*^~This is a slow burn UNDERFELL! fic with much humor, I mean real slow, as in they can't even stand each other until chapter 30. If your not into that, this is definitely not the story for you. Don't like don't read.But do read,Because I need validation.Love ya!ReadItAndCommentThanksAmen.WARNING; INTENSE LOLZ AHEAD!!Update; now with Beta!!!
Relationships: Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Mettaton/Papyrus (Undertale), Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Comments: 77
Kudos: 244





	1. Out on your ear

**Author's Note:**

> Lulz readit. P.s after the dolla signs is when i got drunk. Sozz

~One week earlier~

“Be reasonable _____, there comes a time in every young person’s life where they have to grow up and leave the nest-“

His small rant is cut off by a large ceramic vase being thrown sharply at his head. He narrowly avoids decapitation by ducking in the nick of time. 

"Don't you dare spew your bullshit at me Frank! You're KICKING ME OUT!" You roar, reaching for another expensive crystal vase lining the large fireplace. 

"Don't you dare throw that ____, do you hear me?" SMASH! "Can you stop fucking throwing things!?"

"I don't know can I!?" You scream reaching for the large mirror adorning the top of the fireplace. The poor thing stood no chance. 

Your father winces at the loud crash as the mirror, costing thousands of dollars, thunders to the ground. 

"Look ____, I understand you're upset, but surely you knew this day would come." He raises his hands in a placating gesture. "I mean come on, your siblings were never as stubborn as this."

You scoff pointedly. 

"The only reason those two never put up that much of a fight is because they didn't have a chance to learn from their mistakes! I am not going to end up homeless or married to some troll just because you want me gone!"

He shoots you an incredulous stare. 

"Do you really think I want to see you out on the streets!? You really think so lowly of me?" He scoffs," I've booked you in for a week in a hotel to give you enough time to find suitible living accommodations."

You openly gape at him, is this guy for real? Does he really think it's that easy to find somewhere to live, and to find a job no less? In one week!?

"Is there something wrong with your brain!? I don't even have a job! How am I supposed to live without any money!?" Ha! A valid point, he couldn't possibly kick you out now. Well unless he has some magical power that allows him to pull jobs out of his ass.

He pulls an envelope out from his back pocket. 

"Actually, I'd already thought of that." He throws it to you. "I've set you up at the company in one of our IT departments. I trust your coding skills are up to par, what with all the time you spend hacking into our security system." He raises an eyebrow at you.

'Huh, looks like he does have the power to pull jobs out of his ass.' You muse as you take in the contents of the envelope.

It contains a hefty wad of cash (at least a couple of thousand dollars, if not more). There is also a fuck tonne of paperwork, no doubt a copy of your employee agreement and a keycard to get into the facility.

There's no use fighting it, is there?

He has you by the balls.

You let out a sigh of defeat.

"When do you want me gone?"

He flashes you a shit eating grin and you valiantly hold back the urge to smack his entire mouth right off his face. 

He tugs at the sleeves of his shirt.

"By this evening, preferably. Cheryl has called in some contractors and they should be here in the morning to assess your room." 

Your mouth falls open in shock. 

Fucking Cheryl. Why are you not surprised? 

You knew she would be behind this. (Usually it's someone else behind her, but looks like she decided to switch it up for once.)

"Are you fucking kidding me right now!? Fucking Cheryl!? Why don't you just piss on my grave while your at it!?" You seethe, knowing your face must be shining with anger right now.

"Don't be vulgar, it wasn't just Cheryl's idea you know."

Okay, that one stung.

You struggle for something to retort.

"Okay then, what if I'd refused to leave!?" 

Your Father scoffs at you.

"Hah! Don't make me laugh, there was no question whether or not you'd be leaving. It was only a matter of gauging how much of a fight you'd put up."

You contemplate throwing the envelope at his face but ultimately decide against it. 

This is him being generous, you know that. After all you're only his daughter, he has two of those! You know he wouldn't hesitate to throw you out onto the sidewalk.

After all, it wouldn't be the first time.

You grind your teeth together, keeping your words to yourself. 

They would only make things worse.

He lets out one last scornful laugh before turning to take his leave. "Oh and be sure to close the windows on the way out, Cheryl does so hate the cold."

He prances out the door like the dipshit he is, closing it right before the candlestick has a chance to make contact where his head would've been.

You let out a scream of frustration, cursing the very ground that your so called 'father' walks on. 

You muffle most of your scream into the soft material of your hoodie as you slump bodily against the wall.

What are you going to do now?

You need to find somewhere to stay, pronto, which you know isn't going to be an easy feat. What if you can't find a place? What if you end up homeless just like Derrick did? What if-?

No. You cut your mental ramblings short.

You can't afford think like that, you'll make it work. You have to. 

You need to stay Determined.

You steel yourself, preparing for what's to come. First things first, you'll need your stuff.

You shove the envelope into your pocket and start through your father's mansion towards your room. 

The sight of two brown luggage cases casually leaning against your door fills you with rage.

You kick them one by one past the threshold and delight in the way they tip over in a loud heap. Okay, you can admit, that was a little childish.

With a resigned slouch, you carefully pick them up and place them on your bed, opening them up to start packing what few items you own. 

First thing you put in the case is a small box that you keep on top of your wardrobe, it contains all of the things you hold dear in the world. You carefully cushion it with socks before packing up the rest of your things. 

This doesn't take much time as you quickly zip around your room, only grabbing the things you really need, such as a toothbrush and the large collection of hoodies that you've horded over the years. 

You grab a well loved leather backpack and place your laptop, tablet, chargers and wallet inside. When you've done you can't help but feel slightly depressed at how empty the place you once called home looks.

You take a minute to say goodbye, patting the drywall in gratitude. "Take care of yourself old girl." 

Your moment of reflection is cut short as you startle, remembering something important you need to do. 

You grab a piece of paper and a pen from your desk and scribble down a quick note. 

$$$

Dear parental units,  
We've been through a lot.  
Some shitty times...  
And some even more shitty times.  
Always know there is always a special place for you in my heart. Right next to the hatred I harbour for clogs.  
Please know that I will always appreciate what you've put me through as it's shaped my life into what It is today.  
An absolute shitshow.

P.S. Cheryl if you read this, please note that no amount of plastic surgery can fix your face so please stop traumatizing the poor mirrors.

Your loving daughter, ____.

You place the note on your bed, patting it once affectionately before grabbing your luggage and carting it out the door.

You turn sharply, clicking your heels and giving one last salute to your old friend before exiting.

Damn, your gonna miss that place. 


	2. Finding your feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your slumming it up in a hotel while you're sister helps you find a place. Finding one that suits all your needs is hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll it's me, ya boy, skinny penis.
> 
> Nah jk its just me and this time it isn't a drunk upload! (Cheers of children). No but seriously here's the chapter.

“Ugh, it's a beautiful place but have you seen the price they want for the deposit? I’d be putting myself in debt just by walking past the threshold.” 

Your sister's image on the screen freezes for a moment before reconnecting just as she lets out a deep breath.

"How about this one, it looks to be about your price range." She sends you a link and you click on it. 

"Ew Sylvia, you could find a shed that looks better than this." You say, grimacing at the shack taking up your screen. 

"Oh my god ____! You're not gonna find the perfect place with your budget! Either you stop being so picky or you take my advice and find a roommate! It's not that hard."

"Uuuuuugh!" You grunt, flopping back against your pillows. "We've already gone over this. I'm not okay with some stranger breathing down my neck twenty-four seven, alright? Now can we please drop it?"

She gives you her infamous no nonsense 'mom' face and you can't help but feel abashed. Curse her and her motherly wiles!

"____, I know you want to live alone," You open your mouth to protest. "Up bup bup," She raises her hand. "Hear me out."

You sigh as you prepare yourself for one of her famous lectures.

Honestly, she should've been named Karen or something.

"I only want the best for you, that's why I think a roommate would be a good idea."

"But Sylv-"

"No buts!" She holds up a hand. "You need somewhere to stay. Correct?"

You let out a sigh.

"Yes..."

"Okay, and you'd like somewhere cheap enough so that you can afford it on your salary... correct?"

"Well yeah, but-"

"And you also want to stay close to the city." She waits a beat. "Correct?"

"Yes! But I don't-"

"Then what's the big deal-"

"If you would just just let me finish!" You exclaim, your voice coming out much louder than you'd intended it to be.

You are rewarded with three loud thumps on the wall coming from the room next door.

"Can you keep it down in there!?" They yell through the thin plasterboard.

You wince. 

"Sorry!"

"Yeah, yeah."

Sylvia's giggles ring through the speaker as you glare at her, fully blaming her for your embarrassment.

It takes a moment for her to compose herself, you can't help but crack a fond smile. You roll your eyes when she finally calms down and as if on cue a loud wail in the background interrupts you. She winces.

"Sorry babe, that's my cue to leave. We can continue this conversation in the morning okay?"

"But what about finding me a place?"

She sighs, "Look, all I can say is take my advice, you know I'd never lead you wrong." 

You sigh, "I'll think about it alright?"

She gives you a bright smile.

"Alright. Goodnight buttface."

"Love you too asshat."

"Byeeeeee."

"Byeeeeeeeeee."

You sign off and shut your laptop with a soft click. 

What now?

You rub your tired eyes, feeling stressed. This whole house-hunting thing is flaring up your anxiety. Big time.

You lie there for a moment thinking about your circumstances.

You need to find a place soon, the week is up and you can only afford a couple more days living like this.

At this rate you won't be able to afford a deposit anywhere, not even for a shed.

You hate to say it but Sylvia might be right. You've exhausted all your options, maybe It's time to consider living with somebody. 

Ugh, you really hate your dad for putting you in this position. 

And Cheryl.

Especially Cheryl.

Fuck her.

As you turn over, your phone let's out a loud quacking noise. 

You turn on your phone to check who it's from. It's Sylvia. Ooh, wonder what she wants? (*cough* Sarcasm *cough*)

~Womb-Mate #1, at 10:45 P.M~  
'check your email. I've sent u summin.'

~You, at 10:46 P.M~  
'who dis?'

~Womb-Mate #1, at 10:46 P.M~  
'the cookie monster, open yur damn email.'

You roll your eyes, but decide to do as she says. You open your laptop and wait for it to boot up. 

Aah, there's nothing more satisfying than the windows vista chime, don't you think?

You make quick work of clicking open your email. '4562 messages unread'. Oof... you'll get to them later. 

You open the most recent one (from your sister). It's just as you thought. An unnecessarily long link to the website you were browsing earlier.

Should you open it? Well, Sylvia is going to unload a tremendous amount of shit on you if you don't, so what have you got to lose?

You click open the link and your computer is redirected to an ad that's not unlike many of others that you'd viewed in the past week.

However, this one is an advertisement for a roommate.

Sighing, you decide to read it anyway.

What is your life?

It reads;

'ROOMMATE WANTED! NO TIME WASTERS! TENANT REQUIRED TO HAVE A STEADY INCOME AND MUST BE ABLE TO PAY A PORTION OF THE BILLS.

ACCOMMODATION INCLUDES;

AVERAGE SIZED ROOM WITH LOCK, CONTAINS A DOUBLE BED, A WARDROBE AND A SMALL BEDSIDE TABLE, NOW WITH LAMP!

BEDROOM IS DOWNSTAIRS WITH TWO OTHERS UPSTAIRS BELONGING TO THE OTHER TENANTS! IMPORTANT: NO ACCESSING THE OTHER TENANTS ROOMS UNLESS YOU HAVE THEIR FULL CONSENT AND VICE VERSA!

LIVING ROOM IS LARGE AND WILL BE SHARED.

KITCHEN HAS REFRIGERATOR, WASHING MACHINE, TUMBLE DRYER, MICROWAVE, TOASTER AND OVEN.

TENANT WILL NOT HAVE TO COOK, AS BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER WILL ALL BE PROVIDED BY AN EXCLUSIVE MASTER CHEF DAILY.

TWO BATHROOMS, ONE UPSTAIRS, ONE DOWNSTAIRS. BOTH WITH FULLY FUNCTIONING TOILETS! UPPER BATHROOM HAS SHOWER AND BATH AND TENANT WILL BE PROVIDED WITH A CADDY FOR SANITARY PRODUCTS.

TENANT WILL BE EXPECTED TO PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES AND MUST HAVE A CERTAIN LEVEL OF HYGIENE. THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE.

TENANT WILL HAVE CERTAIN TV PRIVILEGES, BUT CANNOT HOG THE REMOTE, IT IS VERY RUDE AND IS EXCEPTIONALLY LAZY!

LAZINESS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!

WE ALSO HAVE WIFI AND PARKING IS FREE.

TIME WASTERS WILL BE PUNISHED!'

You have to admit it's a sweet deal. Especially considering it's only a third the amount others are asking for whole ass apartments. 

You click through the photos attached. Nice place. Well except for the close-ups of the toilet bowl. Could've done without seeing that.

After reading through it once more you have to admit when you're beat. The place is immaculate and the room you’d be staying in looks large enough, but what really seals the deal is the cost. Two extra people chipping in to pay the rent! You aren’t going to find anything like this elsewhere. 

You have to admit, this roommate deal actually seems to be pretty good.

Can't tell Sylvia that though, she'd go on about it for hours. 

It would be terrible. 

You type the number in your phone listing it under 'Possible roomie #1'. You resolve to give them a ring in the morning. 

You place your laptop on the ground next to the bed and snuggle up under your blanket. Tonight at last you intend to get a good night's rest. 

This lasts for all of two minutes before you whip out your phone and start searching for cat videos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks, many thanks. 
> 
> Much welcome.
> 
> Can you believe I've gotten 11 kudos already!? How crazy is that!? (Children cheering)
> 
> COULD SOMEBODY TURN THAT OFF!
> 
> (record scratch)
> 
> Thank you. 
> 
> Special thanks to the people who left kudos on my work and to FerticiaGordan and Mage_Mitsu for being my first comments. Love ya guys already *mwah*
> 
> No but seriously, rl has me turned into a nut with all this quarantine shit. I hope this brings a smile to some of your faces and I hope you know I have you all in my prayers. ^-^
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment or kudos.
> 
> Yes I'm begging. 
> 
> I'm not desperate
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> Give me your love!


	3. Shouty Boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally find somewhere to stay!! (Now with edits!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all you cool cats and kittens, (sorry I've been watching too much Netflix lately.) 
> 
> It's ya boy.
> 
> Chicken nugget. 
> 
> Naw just kidding. HaHAHAAA.
> 
> is me.
> 
> Just wanna let you know I've fixed a few blatant mistakes in previous chapters. (I really am a native English speaker, I swear to god) 
> 
> Me do words good.
> 
> Sorry if there's any more, I'm typing the majority of this on a phone because swipe to text is awesome and I'm too lazy to move my fingers much. 
> 
> Also I now have a tumblr! YAY!
> 
> I shall find a way to link it... [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thecword110)
> 
> Until then. 
> 
> Let the shenanigans commence!

The next morning you are awake from yet another sleepless night, you groan and check the time. 12:30 P.M, ugh, you didn't mean to sleep that late.

You scroll through your phone, checking social media and searching through some roommate adverts along the way.

Some of them look scetchy as fuck. So far the only one that doesn't look like a serial killer wrote it is the one you viewed last night.

That reminds you, exiting out of your browser you bring up the contacts on your phone, sending a quick text to 'Possible Roomie #1'.

You don't have to wait long for a reply as you get a response within minutes. You quickly learn his name is Papyrus and after a few rapid fire questions you both agree to meet up at three this afternoon.

Fast forward a few hours, and here you are.

You admit, this is a bit of a pickle.

You find yourself standing at a stranger's doorstep, with nothing but your hopes and dreams as well as the desperate wish that you might sleep in a bed you can call your own. 

It's 2:50, you're ten minutes early.

Is not like you'd meant to show up at this time, you actually planned on going to lunch first. However you'd opted to leave early on account of the mass of traffic stretching down the road outside of your hotel. 

What you didn't account for was the fact that your uber driver knew a shortcut and ended up skipping most of the traffic.

And now look where you are, outside some random person's house, not ringing the doorbell because you're too damn scared of offending your potential roomie.

Now, normally you wouldn't be like this, usually you'd be ringing the doorbell regardless of how late or early you might be. 

But today, for some reason, you're not. 

It might have something to do with the fact that Papyrus seems to be a bit of a control freak. Well, based on the short conversation you had earlier. And now, in not wanting to potentially offend him, here you are eyeing his doorbell and waiting for the agreed time. 

What? You can be a bit of a kiss-ass when you want to be.

And hence begins your intense stare down with the doorbell. 

You check your watch, seven minutes.

Ugh, can't time go any faster?

You start tapping your foot, your anxiety building as you continue your one-sided staring competition. 

Oh this is ridiculous! You're standing out here like a tool, your sure Papyrus won't be offended, in fact he'll probably be thrilled that you decided to be punctual. 

Four minutes.

Oh my god, you're just gonna press it.

... any second now. 

Three minutes. 

You blame your crippling anxiety on the fact that you still haven't rang the doorbell like a sane person.

Oh fuck this.

You bravely press the doorbell, the chime ringing in your ears. 

You actually feel quite proud of yourself. 

And with two minutes to spare, you rebel you. 

You straighten your posture, waiting for someone to answer the door.

The door swings open as the chime ends and you find yourself face to chest with a very scary, very intimidating and very tall skeleton monster.

"Jesus!" You exclaim, jumping back in pure terror.

Your face breaks out in a furious blush, forcing yourself to calm down as you realise just how racist you've been.

Papyrus glowers at you. 

"S-sorry, how rude of me," You apologise, "I didn't mean that, you just startled me is all."

You wither under his intense gaze, feeling terrible at your accidental display of racism. 

He seems to decide not to pummel you into the dirt, turning to the side to let you in.

You walk past the threshold with your head bowed, face probably resembling a tomato more than it ever resembled a face.

You curse yourself. How would you like it if someone had jumped at the mere sight of you? 

You resolve to be extra nice to Papyrus to make it up to him. 

He leads you over to a comfy looking L-shaped couch, gesturing for you to sit opposite him.

You take a seat, lo and behold you were right! This couch is just as cuddly and comfy as you'd first thought.

You could definitely see yourself spending a lot of time on this couch. 

"____ WASN'T IT?" Papyrus booms, "I GATHER YOU ARE STILL INTERESTED IN THE ROOM?"

You’re taken aback, not expecting his voice to be that loud.

"Yes." You reply, straightening your body "As long as you're still offering." You wiggle your eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood. 

The half hearted joke falls flat as Papyrus' glare only deepens. Welp, that one clearly didn't make it past his ha-ha department. You get the impression that he's a bit uptight. 

Papyrus doesn't waste any time as he pulls a notepad from between the folds of the couch. 

He rests it on his knee and readies a pen, all the while you prepare to answer the same questions you've been asked multiple times this week.

You steal a short glance at the expansive living area you're seated in. 

The whole room is open plan with a small kitchenette off to the side, separated by a large kitchen island with a sink built in. Off to the side there is a staircase leading upstairs with a door built into the hollow underneath it. It looks to be a bathroom judging from what you can see of the room with the door cracked open. 

Another door sits closed at the end of the staircase, that must be the bedroom, the ad did say that it was downstairs. 

You're startled out of your thoughts as Papyrus begins talking. 

"I AM NOW ABOUT TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS, THESE ARE MANDATORY SO YOU MUST ANSWER TRUTHFULLY, DO I MERE MYSELF CLEAR?" He raises a brow bone at you. 

"Crystal" 

He harrumphs once before getting on with his questions.

"YOU INFORMED ME IN A TEXT EARLIER THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY EMPLOYED, WORKING FROM HOME ON MOST DAYS." He clicks his pen, "WHERE DO YOU PLAN ON DOING SAID WORK?" 

"From my room mostly, although you might find me on this sofa sometimes, staying in one place for too long can be terrible on the spine." You gesture over your shoulder. Papyrus writes this down and quickly rattles off the next question. He doesn't seem like much of a person for small talk.

"WHAT ARE YOUR CLEANLINESS HABITS? PERSONAL AND IN GENERAL."

"I'd definitely say I'm a clean person, I always pick up after myself and never leave a mess for too long." You explain, "I'm also a minimalist so you won't have to expect much clutter." He seems satisfied enough with your answer and writes it down on his notepad. You quickly settle into a rhythm. 

"WHAT ARE YOUR WEEKENDS LIKE?"

"Boring, I stay in most of the time."

"DO YOU HAVE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER? AND IF SO, WILL THEY BE AROUND OFTEN?"

"No, I am currently single, but I'll let you know if that changes." WINK.

He's not amused.

"WHEN IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?"

Odd question.

"I'm an insomniac, but I'm usually in bed by eleven-ish, unless I'm feeling jittery. Then I can typically be seen roaming the house at all hours." 

He writes that down on his pad, seemingly disgruntled.

"DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?"

"No."

Scribble, Scribble.

"DO YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT OF ANY KIND?"

"Yes, but I don't have it on me."

Scribble, Scribble.

"DO YOU SMOKE?"

"No."

Scribble.

"HOW OFTEN DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS OVER?"

"Not often."

Scribble, Scribble.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?"

"No."

Scribble.

"DO YOU PARTAKE IN DRINKING ALCOHOL?"

"Sometimes, but I don't make a habit of it."

Scribble, Scribble. 

And finally.

"WHAT IS YOUR STANCE ON MONSTERS?"

You expected this question. "To be honest I don't have much of an opinion on them." You shrug. "I mostly try to treat them as I would any other person."

Papyrus seems happy enough with your answer and scribbles it down on your notepad. 

"Although," You blush, "I have severe arachnophobia so I have had panic attacks around arachnid type monsters." Papyrus hits you with a judgemental stare. 

"What? It's not my fault I find them creepy as fuck." You hold up your hands in defence. "It's probably all those eyes." You shudder. "Or all those little legs clacking on the ground." You make a face. 

Papyrus lets out a long sigh, crossing something out and writing underneath. 

Damn, you should've kept your fat mouth shut. 

He leaves you in silence for a minute in which your anxiety just grows. You hope he doesn't rule you out just because of your fear, you only wanted him to know lest he find out later.

You brave yourself for his rejection, hoping he might let you down easy.

He closes his notepad and folds his hands on top of it.

"I GUESS YOU CAN HAVE THE ROOM."

"What?" You provide dumbly, openly gaping at him.

"I MEAN," He sighs, "YOU DO FULFIL MOST OF THE REQUIREMENTS SET OUT AND HAVE BEEN MOSTLY HONEST AND TRUTHFUL ABOUT YOUR ANSWERS."

You continue doing your impression of a startled goldfish. Speechless.

"PLUS," He continues, "YOUR THE ONLY HUMAN SO FAR THAT HASN'T RUN FOR THE HILLS AT THE MERE SIGHT OF MY TERRIFYING PRESENCE." He beams proudly, resisting the urge to do a small pose. 

It's official, you've officially lost it, there's no way he could've said what you just thought he said.

There's no way you got it that easily.

You take a moment to process.

"Eeeeeee!" You stand abruptly, startling Papyrus.

You've done it!

You've got the room!

Haha! Suck on that Frank!

"Are you kidding me!?" You ask.

He looks at you disbelievingly as if you just insulted his mother.

"I DO NOT JAPE HUMAN, THAT JOB IS LEFT UP TO MY INSUFFERABLE OLDER BROTHER." He places a gloved hand on his chest, seemingly offended.

Oh my god you've got the place.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

"When can I move in?" You ask, slapping your hands down on the coffee table.

He stares at you incomprehensibly as you vibrate inwardly, your excitement getting the better of you.

"WHENEVER YOU WANT REALLY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I'M GONNA DO WITH AN EMPTY ROOM." He grumps matter of factly.

You feel giddy, like a child on Christmas.

"I can be moved here in under two hours with all my stuff." You say, not wanting to wait a minute more.

He considers this for a moment.

"VERY WELL," He nods. "I DO APPRECIATE A BIT OF HUSTLE." He stands and sticks out a hand. 

"VERY WELL HUMAN, I SHALL MEET YOU BACK HERE IN TWO HOURS EXACTLY WITH YOUR KEY. "

You grab his hand and shake it vigorously. "Thank you Papyrus, you will not regret this."

"I HOPE NOT..."

You both exchange pleasantries before you practically skip your way out the door.

Finally, you're pulling yourself out of this pit you've found yourself in.

And freedom never tasted so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my dudes. 
> 
> How y'all doin?
> 
> I can't hear you?
> 
> The rock can't hear you?
> 
> Good?
> 
> Urkay.
> 
> Anyways I'm here to say thank you. 
> 
> Thank you for all the support!
> 
> I mean 33 kudos
> 
> Omg
> 
> So hype. 
> 
> Much wholesome. 
> 
> Thank. 
> 
> Also special thanks to those three special chickens who commented on my work last chapter. 
> 
> LinaWolffeather,  
> OversizedGrape  
> And kimiadab
> 
> (Children's cheers)
> 
> !!!
> 
> Also I have decided to stop replying to comments in the comments and am instead replying to them here!
> 
> So here we go. 
> 
> OversizedGrape, 'Sarcasm is my middle name babeh' *finger guns* *falls over*
> 
> kimiadab, 'Of course it's gonna be a ride' *WinkWonk*
> 
> Lol.
> 
> Also guys, this is only the beginning stick around until the real comedy king arrives!
> 
> Muahahaha- *coughcoughcough*


	4. Eeeew, Cooties!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your all moved in, but one of the tenants has a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! 
> 
> It's ya girl,
> 
> The Lord of the Nuggets
> 
> *T poses dramatically*
> 
> But seriously though, who's craving chicken nuggets? 
> 
> McDonald's has shut down with the pandemic and all I can do is dream. 
> 
> *salivates*
> 
> I hope you's all are keeping safe and washing yo hands.
> 
> This shit is real.
> 
> No jokes I haven't been outside in days. 
> 
> What colour is the sun? Does anyone remember? 
> 
> Also, please know, the last chapter was not a fever dream and yes I did rewrite it.
> 
> And no, I wasn't drunk at the time.
> 
> Probably.
> 
> Anyway, I'm rambling (legit, spell-check thought reassembling)
> 
> *hides away transformer figurines*
> 
> Hope you like!

"Are you fucking KIDDING ME!?"

You startle awake, immediately panicking at the unfamiliar space around you.

What's happening? Where's the fire?

"OH CALM DOWN SANS, YOUR OVERREACTING."

"Calm down? You want me to CALM DOWN!? How can I calm down when there's a human sleeping not TEN FEET AWAY!?"

"WELL SHE WON'T BE FOR LONG IF YOU DON'T STOP SHOUTING!"

What are those two doing out there? It's... 3 AM for pete's sake.

You knew this would happen, Papyrus admitted to you earlier that he went behind his brother's back when he let you have the room.

You were suspicious that a fight might break out between them and looks like you were right, judging by the loud unfamiliar voice, Papyrus' brother doesn't seem too happy about the arrangement.

"I want her gone Papyrus!"

Uh, rude.

Eh, it's not like he can kick you out now anyways, your name is already on the lease.

You snuggle down into your blanket and pull a pillow over your head, trying in vain to catch a last few decent winks of sleep.

"SANS! I SWEAR TO ASGORE IF YOU DON'T PUT DOWN THAT LEASE RIGHT THIS INSTANT I WILL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A BODY!"

Oh hell. Looks like shit just got real.

Welp, it's not as if you were getting much sleep tonight anyways.

You throw your blanket off and march towards the door.

You swing the door open with a bang and two pairs of eye sockets automatically fly towards you.

"What the HELL is going on out here!?" You yell, immediately quieting the two fighting monsters.

You don't blame them.

Walking in wearing your extra baggy pusheen jammies, lopsided hair and a scowl plastered on your face, you manage to strike a quite intimidating posture, if you do say so yourself.

After the immediate surprise of you barging in fades, the shorter skeleton lets out a menacing hiss.

"You need to leave."

"And why on earth would I do something like that?" You challenge, cocking your hip. 

He glares right at you with what you're sure is supposed to be an intimidating stare.

You glare right back, not taking one ounce of his shit. 

You haven't gotten this far in life without meeting your fare share of jackasses and learning how to deal with them. 

He crosses the distance between you two and gets right up in your face.

"Because nobody wants you here." He growls.

You lean back, letting out a breathy 'puuh'. 

Damn, his breath stinks.

"Okay, first of all," You put a finger on his chest, "Please breathe the other way, you're bleaching my hair."

His face turns a bright fire-engine red and a small fire starts in his left socket.

Huh, guess that means he's mad.

"And second of all," You nod to the tenancy still clutched in his hand. "That sheet of paper you've squeezed the life out of states that I do."

His face lights up as he's struck with an idea. Stepping away from you he proceeds to violently tear the poor sheet to pieces. 

He drops the pieces to the ground. 

"SANS!"

"And now it doesn't!" He looks extremely pleased with himself. 

You decide to play along. 

You slap your hands to your cheeks. "Oh No! The only tenancy in the whole entire house! Woe is me! What are we ever going to do!?" 

His face falls as he realises your meaning.

You drop the act. 

"Pfft, what do you think I am? A complete idiot?" You roll your eyes. "I have several copies of that agreement in virtual and physical form, I won't be leaving that easily."

You turn back into your room, quickly grabbing a spare copy from your bedside drawer. 

You emerge and hand it off to Papyrus, who's been sitting and observing in the kitchen all this time. 

"Here you go big man, don't lose this one next time okay?" You pat his shoulder.

He startles before giving you a grateful look. 

"DON'T WORRY," He glares at Sans, "I WON'T."

"You're seriously taking HER SIDE!?" He gestures aggressively to you. "I thought I was your brother!"

"OH WOULD YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH SANS!" Papyrus snaps, immediately halting Sans. "I WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN, SHE'S STAYING AND THAT IS FINAL."

"But boss-,"

"NO BUTS SANS, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF LISTENING TO YOUR PETULANT WHINING." He stands from his place at the island and looks at Sans with ire. "I'M GOING TO BED AND SUGGEST YOU DO THE SAME, LEST YOU BE LATE FOR WORK, AGAIN."

He marches past Sans who has a disbelieving look on his face and heads up, before he reaches the top he turns towards you. 

"SLEEP WELL ____."

"You too Papyrus." He nods and heads the rest of the way up.

Feeling smug, you turn your back on Sans and decide to raid the fridge in search of a yummy reward. 

You find a pack of gummy worms and take them, stuffing a handful in your mouth with a satisfied 'muumphf' before closing the door with your foot.

Holy Shit! You almost drop your gummy worms. 

Sans is standing right there, not ten inches away and almost startling the bejeebus out of you.

You calm down enough not to choke. 

"Yesh?" You raise a brow. How did he get there so fast?

His glare deepens, his eyeless sockets boring into you.

"I want you gone."

You swallow your mouthful of gummy worms. 

"I'm sorry? Is that your full vocabulary?"

"What? Fuck You!"

"Ah, it speaks." You turn away from him, your bag of gummy worms in tow.

You hear his footsteps as he follows you to your room. 

"Oh no, you're not getting away that easily." He stops you with an arm thrown across your doorway. 

You're annoyed now. 

"Okay, fucking what? I'm starting to get sick of this hostility. What is your fucking problem with me?" You glare at him, placing your hands on your hips and crushing your gummy worms in the process.

"My problem is you, I don't want your stank ass human germs stinkin' up the place while your moochin' offa me and my brother."

You give him a deadpan stare. 

"Racism. Really? What are you five?" You roll your eyes. "Oh no, the poor defenseless monster is afraid of the big bad human's cooties."

You mock him, only making his temper rise. 

You get an idea. "How's this for cooties." You lick your hand, quickly sweeping it down the side of his face. 

He screeches and you take his distraction as your chance to escape, you duck under his arm, turning and quickly shutting the door before locking it shut.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!"

"Takes one to know one tramp!"

"RAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!"

"SHUT UP SANS!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the plot thickens. *rubs hands together*
> 
> Also, Snas is here everybody! *cheers of children*
> 
> OKAY STOP! WHERE ARE ALL THESE PRE- PUBESCENT CHILDREN COMING FROM!?
> 
> Ahem, lost my cool there.
> 
> Here are your replies;
> 
> Lemoncakezz- 'same *nods approvingly*'  
> OversizedGrape- 'precious, precious bean *pats chicken nuggie on the head*'  
> RadioactiveZombieKitty- 'he hehehe ha HaHa HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *twirls moustache* mmmmm-yeeess...'  
> Blue_skeleton6289- 'AAAHH! I don't know why but I almost had an aneurysm when I read your comment. Super cute * 0w0 *'
> 
> I wanna give a special thanks to OversizedGrape who has given me a great epiphany.
> 
> I shall now call all my fans my Special Chicken Nuggies. 
> 
> That is you. 
> 
> That is what you are now called.
> 
> Chickie nuggies.
> 
> The lot of you.
> 
> I love you all my precious beans!
> 
> *blows kisses because real kisses aren't allowed
> 
> Six feet apart everybody*


	5. The Poopening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus has a heart to heart and you fuck shit up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all my nuggies and smol beans!
> 
> I want you all to know I wrote most of this sitting on the pooper.
> 
> Yes, you heard that correct. 
> 
> I wrote 'The Poopening', on the pooper.
> 
> Problem?
> 
> I think not. 
> 
> Also hey, thanks for all the support, I mean 506 hits for 5500 words? 
> 
> You guys are killing me with all this love.
> 
> Oh stop,
> 
> No stop.
> 
> Only kidding, 
> 
> Kill me with your kindness
> 
> *bathes in the magnitude of your wholesome*
> 
> Thank,
> 
> Thank very much.
> 
> Also, I was going to post this chapter when I reached 69 kudos,
> 
> Cuz y'know
> 
> Bowchicawowow *sexy music plays*
> 
> But I decided to treat you early in leu of my joke 
> 
> *sad author noises*
> 
> *happy reader noises*
> 
> Here You go

"GOOD MORNING ____, I TRUST YOU SLEPT WELL?"

You pause in rubbing sleep from your eyes, not expecting the loud greeting.

You check your watch, 7:04 AM. 'Didn't expect for anyone else to be up at this hour. '

You shrug.

"Not really to be honest." You mutter, trodding over to the kitchen where Papyrus is bent over the stove making pancakes. 

"AH, SORRY ABOUT THAT." He sighs, flipping the cakes. "I KNEW MY BROTHER WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM, I JUST DIDN'T REALIZE HE'D REACT LIKE THAT." He presses on them with the spatula, causing them to sizzle. 

You walk over to a cupboard, taking a sachet of instant coffee to brew. Ugh, you hate this stuff, it tastes like literal shit. You mentally add a coffee maker to your list of items to pick up at the grocery store this evening. 

"Oh don't worry about it, I'm sure he'll come around to the idea eventually." You pick up the kettle and pour some hot water into a mug. 

You take a sip. 'Oof, that really does taste like shit.' You sigh, 'Oh well, at least it's caffeinated.'

"I GUESS." He goes quiet for a moment.

You take a seat at the kitchen island, watching Papyrus work, he seems lost in thought.

You wait for him to voice his mind as you take moderate sips of your coffee, grimacing every now and again.

"HUMAN?"

"Hmm?"

"DON'T TAKE MUCH OF WHAT MY BROTHER SAYS TOO SERIOUSLY," He turns to you, crossing his arms across his apron clad chest. It reads; 'Kiss the cook' with the 'kiss' scribbled out and replaced with 'kill'.

It's suits his personality. 

"MOST OF THE TIME HE SAYS THINGS HE DOESN'T MEAN, SO PLEASE DON'T JUDGE HIM TOO HARSHLY."

You're surprised at that. You smile softly at him. 

"Papyrus, you really don't have to apologise. I'm not a person to take things too seriously." You shrug. "To put it simply, if your brother has a problem with me then so be it. But you can't expect me to just sit here and take it."

Papyrus looks pensive for a moment, his brow furrowed before he nods. 

"VERY WELL HUMAN, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT TO LOOK AT IT, THEN THAT'S FINE WITH ME." He sniffs.

You give him a grateful smile, taking a sip of your coffee. 

You sit like this for a moment before a shrill alarm and the thick smell of smoke startles you out of your morning haze. You notice behind Papyrus that the Pancakes are burning.

"Papyrus! The pancakes!" You yelp.

He turns around, eyeing the smoking cakes for a moment before lifting them off the stove. He then calmly reaches up and presses the button that turns off the fire alarm. 

"HUH, THE TIMER WAS LATE."

Timer!? Boy nah.

He places the half charred breakfast item in front of you along with a side serving of blackened spaghetti. 

You eye the plate of food set out in front of you (if you could even still call it that), your weak stomach giving a slight lurch.

Ha, this has to be a joke.

You look up to Papyrus, who's eyeing you expectantly. 

"WELL? YOU DON'T WANT YOUR BREAKFAST TO GO COLD. EAT UP."

It's not a joke. 

You look down at the plate of food, contemplating whether or not you would risk food poisoning for the sake of being polite. 

Papyrus is still looking at you expectantly.

Fuck it.

You ladle a forkful into your mouth and chew.

'Oh- oh god, what IS that?' You almost hurl, 'why does it taste like garlic?' You haven't a clue how Papyrus managed to completely burn the outside yet leave the inside a cold, soggy mess but he did! That evil genius.

You swallow the mouthful of pure batshit hell and take a sip of coffee, humming your reluctant approval.

He smiles happily. 

You mentally add cereal to your list.

~^*^~

The day passes uneventfully with Papyrus leaving shortly after breakfast. You ask him where he's going but he won't tell you, explaining its, 'SUPER SECRET ROYAL GUARD DUTY' and 'IF I TOLD YOU I'D HAVE TO KILL YOU FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.'

You wave goodbye and tell him you hope he has fun.

He closes the door with a grumble.

Shortly after, you decide to get a headstart on your daily assignment, which happens to be redesigning a website for a sister company of your dad's. It's long work and will no doubt take awhile. 

Sans wakes up not long after Papyrus leaves, leaving without a word and with the door hanging wide open.

Little shit.

You get up to close it and head back to the couch for a long day filled with numbers and letters. 

~^*^~

It's a couple hours later and you're finally done. You close your laptop and stretch your body, your back giving a soft 'pop'.

You groan audibly, fully relaxing into the soft cushions.

You are so tired, the five cups of instant coffee finally leaving your system as you crash hard.

A couple of hours nap sounds nice.

You turn to the side, dozing off. 

Your brain is just about switched off when a loud and obnoxious quack sounds right by your head.

"Ugh, why me?" You sigh, looking at the roof. "What did I ever do to you huh?" 

No response. 

"Yeah, that's what I thought." You grump.

You reach for your phone and read the text message with tired eyes.

It's Sylvia.

The hell does she want? 

~Womb-Mate #1, at 1:45 PM~  
'u awake yet?'

~You, at 1:45 PM~  
'yes'

~You, at 1:45 PM~  
'and how dare you insinuate otherwise'

~Womb-Mate #1, at 1:46 PM~  
'yeah yeah, don't try to deny it.'

~Womb-Mate #1, at 1:46 PM~  
'ne way, I was jus wonderin if you wanna come grocery shopping with me?'

Suspicious. She never asks you to go shopping with her. Says you embarrass her in front of the shoppers. 

You can't imagine why.

~You, at 1:47 PM~  
'whats the catch...'

You squint at the phone. 

~Womb-Mate #1, at 1:47 PM~  
'nothing! do i really need an excuse to ask my beautiful sister to go grocery shopping with me?'

Yes.

~You, at 1:47 PM~  
'Sylvia.'

~Womb-Mate #1, at 1:47 PM~  
'okay fine'

Success!

~Womb-Mate #1, at 1:47 PM~  
'you know how today is Jeremy's day with the kids?'

~You, at 1:47 PM~  
'yesssss...?'

~Womb-Mate #1, at 11:47 AM~  
'well he ditched me, so now I have three young kids to entertain while I do the groceries'

~Womb-Mate #1, at 11:47 AM~  
'i need help'

~Womb-Mate #1, at 11:47 AM~  
'save me? *praying emoji*'

Of course, you knew it was some bullshit like that. 

Fucking Jeremy.

You sigh.

~You, at 11:48 AM~  
'when do you wanna pick me up.'

~Womb-Mate #1, at 11:48 AM~  
'omg I owe you one, I can be there in 20, make sure you don't forget your knickers.

~You, at 11:48 AM~  
'to_ot'

You throw your phone down on the cushion. "Why me?"

You allow yourself a few more minutes of relaxation before you tear yourself away from your comfort.

A quick shower and a change of clothes later you're ready to hit the road. You leave the house and lock the door, stuffing your keys in your hoodie along with your phone and wallet.

Sylvia is honking the horn obnoxiously when you turn around and you give her a tight lipped smile and a thumbs up in response.

You hear the giggles of your five year old niece and nephew as you walk over to the car and hop in the passenger side, noting the fresh stench of McDonald's wafting around the interior. 

Your sister hands you a fresh iced caramel frappe and you take it gratefully.

"For your troubles."

"Sylvia, you godsend." You moan, taking a long sip.

"I try."

"Hi auntie ____!" Your youngest niece pipes up, "Look, I got chicken nuggets." You turn in your seat, noting that she does in fact have a fresh portion of chicken nuggets sat in her lap.

You quickly steal one and pop it in your mouth before she can protest, "Thanks Margo, I appreciate it."

"No!" She giggles, "They're not for free!" She states matter of factly. Sylvia starts the car, leaving you two to your shenanigans.

You decide to play along. "Oh I'm sorry ma'am, how much were they? I can pay you back."

"Five hundred dollars." She says in a no nonsense tone, you fake gasp.

"Five hundred dollars!? Are you mad woman!?" She laughs. "Here you can have it back." You pretend to retch it back up into your hand.

You're rewarded with a disgusted squeal as she squirms to get away from your outstretched hand. 

"Eww no, keep it."

"Okay, your loss." You pretend to slurp it back up. 

"Your gross."

"Thank you."

Your nephew holds out a nugget in his outstretched fingers. "Here you go, you can have one of mine for free." 

You smile at the small charitable bean and pop the nugget in your mouth. 

"Thank you Russo, you're too kind, unlike that stingy cow sitting next to you." 

"HEY!"

The drive passes in much the same way, your oldest niece Lennox, piping up every now and again. 

You make it to the store with nary a chicken nugget spared and Sylvia leaves you with the kids as she goes to get a trolley.

The two five year olds swing on your arms like a pair of chimpanzees and it's a struggle to keep them close, Lennox is of no help whatsoever, her nose stuck in her phone.

You're busy trying to get the two devil children to stop petting the 'fluffy doggy' when Lennox pipes up.

"Oh no." 

Her tone alarms you.

"Oh no, what?" You look up to see what's caught her attention.

Oh how you hate ignorant people. 

There must be more than thirty standing outside the storefront, all waving banners and signs. No doubt because it's a monster friendly establishment. 

You barely notice Sylvia coming up beside you until she speaks. "Thank goodness, I got the last twin trolley, how lucky was that?- Oh no."

Lennox nods, "My words exactly."

"Now what?" She asks, concerned.

You look at Sylvia, you can tell she's nervous, not wanting to expose her kids to the profanities being screamed by the protesters.

You square your shoulders. "We go inside obviously, no use in giving them any power over us." You pick up your niece, hoisting her into the trolley. 

Sylvia looks unsure as her gaze passes between the protesters and you. 

You pat her shoulder reassuringly before picking up your nephew and putting him in. "Don't worry I can handle this."

You start walking, your sister and niece following in tow.

"Block your ears sweethearts." Your niece and nephew comply, sensing the tension in the air.

As you get closer to the entrance a few people get up in your face.

"Ma'am?" One woman inquires. "Did you know this establishment is infested with monsters?"

"Is this really a world you want to bring up your children in?" Another cries.

Sylvia pulls Lennox closer to her body.

You keep walking, not giving them the satisfaction of an answer.

"I'm sorry ma'am," A guy grabs the end of your trolley, halting you. "I'm afraid I can’t permit you to go inside."

Your expression turns from impassive to positively furious in two seconds flat.

"If you don't let go, I won't hesitate to break every single one of your fingers." You growl lowly.

He flinches slightly but otherwise doesn't move.

"I- I'm sorry, b-but I really can't let you go in."

"Sir." Sylvia pipes in. "You are in violation of several protesting laws."

"Hey! Mind your business, we're here to peacefully protest!" A small middle aged woman pipes up from behind the man.

"That may be the case." Sylvia states matter of factly. "But as soon as you block or obstruct the entrance to a building, that's considered illegal."

The stout woman looks abashed and the guy holding the end of your trolley turns as white as a sheet.

"You heard the lady, scram." You cock your head at the man, motioning for him to get out of the way.

"B-but Ma'am-"

You huff.

"I woke up in a pool of blood this morning."

You lean in menacingly.

"Is that how you'd like me to end yours?"

He quickly releases his white knuckled grip from your basket, before quickly moving out of your way.

You make it across the entrance without another incident and spy a young employee on the phone with a manager beside her.

"You calling the cops?" You ask.

"Yes, they’re on their way now." The manager type person answers.

"Good, make sure to mention the assault one of them guys gave me out there."

The young employee gives you a thumbs up and proceeds to rattle off what you told her

"That was so cool! I wanna be able to intimidate people like that." Lennox exclaims.

"You'll get there some day." You ruffle her short styled hair and she slaps at your arm, annoyed.

Sylvia brushes past you and seizes hold of the trolley. "Don't encourage her, you big showoff."

You follow after her, falling into step. "Hah, don't act so high and mighty 'Miss law and order'." You snicker.

She rolls her eyes at you.

Lennox snickers, "Hehe, I'm pretty sure that guy pooped his pants."

You both burst out laughing, gaining a strange look from an elderly couple passing by.

"Can we listen now?" Margo yells, her hands still pressed over her ears.

Your howls of laughter only grow in volume at the discomfort of your poor niece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the update! I know it was a little filler-y but I promise, the next one will be chocked full of Snassy goodness.
> 
> Also 11 comments? 
> 
> For Me?
> 
> I-I *sobs* 
> 
> I'm overwhelmed *dries tears with obnoxious looking hankerchief*
> 
> Anyway, here's your replies *blows boogers*
> 
> LinaWolffeather- 'nah you can love em all you want, i drop quality content wherever I go *flushes toilet*'  
> aroundincircl3s- 'how do I explain this *points to giant whiteboard* this is a FellVerse Fic and the only people who live in the house are Edgy Sans and Papyrus three rooms=three people. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk *applause*'  
> kimiadab- 'no YOUR fantastic, thank you for YOU'  
> Pineappleopal- 'hah, same, it takes some good quality comedy to make me laugh, *fart joke* *laughs hysterically*'  
> RadioactiveZombieKitty- 'this particular human was BUILT to dole out the sassafrass, *clicks fingers* Snas you better watch out *head roll* Urkay?'  
> OversizedGrape- 'Paps is definitely the mother of the group. And who the hell said anything about crackheads? *hides crackpipe*'  
> Blue_skeleton6289- 'And I love you *pat pat* smol bean.'  
> Randymony- '*takes out sword* I now pronounce thee, Sir nuggey *applause*'  
> Addicted2TheFic- 'Don't worry, this is a pure hate filled relationship... Right now.'  
> VampyricQueen- '100 percent, 10/10 much wholesome, very thank '  
> Dask- 'Hah, that's what I said *whispers* but between you and me, our Snas isnt the brightest crayon in the box. Sans: HEY!'
> 
> Anyway there's your replies, it took me awhile to reply to all of them. 
> 
> In which time I was pooping.
> 
> There you go, a nice mental image for ya!
> 
> Wash yo hands!!
> 
> Side note: I know her name was originally Sophie, but i kept getting it mixed up with Sarah, so now her name is Lennox. 
> 
> Happy Reading!


	6. The Smell Of B.O. And Stir Fry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up in the kitchen and Papyrus isn't happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever speak out loud what your typing?
> 
> I do.
> 
> When I'm typing my username I usually read it like this;
> 
> The C Underscore word
> 
> Not TheC_Word. 
> 
> I'd this normal?
> 
> Probably not, but from now on that's what I shall be called. 
> 
> The C Underscore Word. 
> 
> Deal. With. It.
> 
> Also,
> 
> GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! 
> 
> We now have a Beta!
> 
> *cheers of children*
> 
> (I never getting rid of those fuckers...)
> 
> Their name is [Wyrdfyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wyrdfyre) !!!
> 
> They've been helping me a lot by editing out mistakes and encouraging me to write better. 
> 
> *sobs* I just. I love you man.
> 
> *weeps uncontrollably*
> 
> Wyrdfyre: *pat pat*

Arriving home, you struggle to open the door with the large box perched under your arm.

'C'mon ____, use your man strength.'

It takes you a moment but you eventually get the key in the door. No easy feat considering the two shopping bags attached to your arm.

"Haha! Yes!"

You push it open and are greeted with an empty apartment.

'Huh, the boys must be out.'

Scratch that thought.

You hear a loud snore and peek past the entryway, spotting Sans sprawled out across the sofa.

Pity, you don't have your Sharpie on you.

You huff and continue your way into your room, throwing your burdens down onto the floor with a loud thump.

You’re exhausted.

You eye your bed for a moment. 'Maybe Sans's got the right idea.'

You shuffle over to your bed, shucking your shoes in the process.

'A couple hours snooze won't do any harm.'

Flopping on your bed, you don't bother to pull back the blankets, instead opting to pull a pillow close to your face.

'Whatcha doin?' Your insomnia asks.

Oh no.

'Go away...' Your brain replies.

'You can't sleep now! What if something important happens and you’ve gotta be awake!' Your insomnia persists.

'Please go away...'

'C'mon,' It whines. "You gotta get up, let's seize the day!'

'Already been there.'

'What if there's an emergency?'

'...'

'What if you die in your sleep.'

You snap your eyes open, glaring at your pillow.

'We can watch Netflix together~' It sings.

Curses. It knows you can't resist Netflix's sweet call.

Sighing, you grab your laptop off the side table.

A little binging can't hurt.

'Yay!'

Besides, judging by the thick stink of B.O. wafting from your armpits, a shower wouldn't hurt either.

Right after one more episode of 'Sugar Rush.'

...fucking insomnia.

~^*^~

Sans awakes to a heavenly scent wafting in from the kitchen.

'Wait,' His eyes snap open. 'Something's not right here.' His bleary eyes struggle to focus as he peers over the top of the kitchen island.

Figures. Of course it would be you.

You're standing over a sizzling pan in a large black robe adding spices now and again.

'Papyrus is gonna flip.'

He carefully tip toes over to the kitchen island and casually leans against it, intending to scare you.

He stands there a moment, contemplating.

What is your deal? First, you show up with no warning whatsoever and proceed to become way too comfortable with your living situation.

'Are you a lunatic?' He wonders.

No human in their right mind would even think about slumming it up with two dangerous boss monsters such as himself and Papyrus.

Even despite his arguments you continue to stay.

Stubborn little bitch.

Doesn't mean he's gonna stop though.

He's too spiteful for that.

"What are you doing here!?" He barks, causing you to jump almost foot in the air.

It amuses him.

"Jesus!" You yelp, placing a hand over your chest, "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Was plannin' on it toots." He smirks, "You didn't answer my question by the way." He asks with a lazy raise of his brow.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" You snort gesturing to the sizzling pan of deliciousness behind you.

"I'm making dinner."

His soul almost gives him away, threatening to do its famous impression of a beached whale.

'Down boy, don't rat on me.'

"Well ain't you smart." He mocks, "You know that's not what I meant." He growls.

You give him an exasperated sigh before turning down the heat of the pan.

You cross your arms. "Okay, I'll bite,"

"I'm standing here because this is where I live." You do jazz hands.

"Wow."

He doesn't appreciate your sarcasm.

"Says who?" He grunts.

You scoff.

"Says the damn contract I signed."

Now it's his turn to scoff.

"Honestly Sans!" You exclaim, throwing your hands up in exasperation.

"What is your fucking problem with me?"

He stands, his fist on the table. 

"I'll tell you what my damn problem is!" He growls, his voice low.

"It's you damn humans!" He barks. "Since day one you've been nothing but pests to monster kind." He laughs. "And you expect me to believe you want to live here, amongst two of us."

He scoffs. "Pfft, fat chance."

You laugh disbelievingly.

"How shallow can you be!?" Your voice comes out shrill and high pitched.

"If you cared to notice, not all humans are a bunch of jackasses." You peer at him up and down. "Just like not all monsters are a bunch of tools." You smirk.

There's a tense silence as you both hold each other's gazes, neither one of you backing down from your silent battle of wills.

The front door slams harshly, inadvertently snapping you out of your unofficial staring competition.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Papyrus questions, pausing in hanging up his scarf.

You turn your attention towards him, all rainbows and unicorn farts.

"Hey Papyrus," You greet, "Please, take a seat, dinner will be ready shortly." You motion towards a chair.

"YOU MADE DINNER?" He cocks his head, confused. "I USUALLY DO THAT."

"Oh," You falter a moment. "I just did it on a whim, y'know to pay you back for breakfast this morning." You beam.

Preferably without giving everyone food poisoning.

He strides over to peer at your work from your shoulder, seemingly judging you.

You're not worried though, if there's one thing you can cook that can make even the most particular of eaters salivate.

It's your famous fajita stir fry.

Not to brag or anything, but that shit has got you marriage proposals.

You practically radiate sunshine as you beam at Papyrus.

Please take the bait, you don't know if you could stomach another plate full of that hell.

Your digestion can't take it.

"HMM.." He peers scrutinizingly at the pan. "VERY WELL HUMAN." You droop with relief.

"YOU MAY MAKE DINNER THIS ONCE, BUT PLEASE KNOW THAT I DO NOT JUDGE LIGHTLY." He sniffs, straightening.

"I HAVE A VERY DELICATE PALETTE AND WILL NOT HESITATE TO SPIT WHATEVER NONSENSE YOU GIVE ME ONTO THE FLOOR." He harrumphs.

Good to know.

"So you decided to make us dinner?" Sans pipes up, "Did you happen to use any magic on it perchance?"

"Uuuuuh..." You freeze, "That's a thing?"

Papyrus looks at you as if you've just insulted his mother.

"OF COURSE IT IS A THING HUMAN," He crosses his arms, "HOW ELSE DO YOU SUPPOSE WE EAT IT, WE DON'T HAVE STOMACHS YOU KNOW."

You blanch, feeling every bit of stupid.

"Heh, sorry?" Sans looks mighty pleased with himself.

"Welp" He claps his hands. "Looks like dinner is cancelled, who wants Grillby's?"

Papyrus scoffs, making Sans freeze in his tracks.

"NONSENSE SANS, I'M SURE WE HAVE A 'BOX 'O MAGIC' LAYING AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE." He gets up from his seat, heading over to the cupboards

Your Knight in edgy leather armour.

You stick your tongue out at Sans, who looks displeased.

He perks up.

"Hey boss?" He cocks his head at you.

"HMM?"

"Ain't that artificial magic stuff like, really unhealthy?"

Papyrus pauses in reaching for the box.

"HMMM.. YES, I SUPPOSE IT IS."

He gives you the middle finger before straightening as Papyrus turns around.

Papyrus lets out a dramatic sigh.

"BUT ALAS, SACRIFICES MUST BE MADE FOR OUR DOLTISH HUMAN COMPANION." He pats you on the head.

"Uh, thanks?"

You think

Sans grumbles and mutters a short reply that sounds suspiciously less like, 'yeah sure' and a lot more like, 'go jump off a bridge.'

He pours in an unhealthy amount of what looks like pink glitter out of a shiny box onto the dish.

You grimace, it looks like something straight out of Claire's

"THERE. NOW WE CAN ALL EAT IT." Papyrus beams.

You give a little twitch of your lip, looking at your now pink dish.

"Haha, Yeah.."

The two brothers (one reluctantly) take their seats at the island and you proceed to fill out your dishes.

Boy, you sure hope this doesn't taste like dog shit.

After passing them around you take your seat as well, preparing yourself mentally for the potentially ruined dish.

Papyrus seems to be studying the food on his plate and Sans is just plain glaring at it.

You take your first bite and to your surprise: It tastes exactly the same!

Huh, how curious, there's a slight aftertaste of something kind of.. Sparkly?

It must be your imagination.

You startle at the low moan coming from the skeleton sitting at the head of the table.

You raise your brows at him, amused at the way his cheeks turn a dusky cherry colour.

"Shut up."

Smugness radiates from you for the rest of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to you, my Jellybeans, I hope your all doing well. 
> 
> Cuz I'm not. 
> 
> I almost took a heart attack...
> 
> From all this love you've been pouring my way!
> 
> *bathes in the 200+ hits I got for the last chapter*
> 
> *sighs* I love you all. 
> 
> So much. 
> 
> Here are your responses;
> 
> OversizedGrape- 'I do do my best work while taking a doodoo, WHAT CRACKPIPE!?'  
> Randymony- 'that you are my good sir *salutes*'  
> aroundincircl3s- '*Throws rope into sea of harem fics* GRAB THE ROPE!'  
> Lilly- 'I have done you one better and changed her name to Lennox XD'  
> Koubuk- 'Absolutely love you!!'  
> Da_Hatter56- 'Let me assure you that our good Reader doesn't take shit from no Skelly, *poof* where'd he go?'  
> RadioactiveZombieKitty- 'WOO! Stand up to all the butts! Also, thank you four pointing out that HUGE plothole (almost tripped over that one.) I will fix it asap :)'  
> Blue_skeleton6289- 'Much strong, very spirit *nods wisely*'
> 
> There are your replies!
> 
> Don't forget, I love all you chickens
> 
> And Don't be kissin'
> 
> Stay 6 feet apart.
> 
> Like that one movie


	7. Where Dreams Come To Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all of my beans,
> 
> Large and smol,
> 
> I hereby send you my deepest apologies, 
> 
> I know I haven't uploaded in a couple of weeks and for that I am dearly sorry.
> 
> I'M SUPER DEPRESSED!!! :D
> 
> Also, super big shoutout to my wonderful beta WyrdFyre! Love you man!
> 
> *happy bean noises*
> 
> Anyhoo, here's a chapter now, I hope you all like it as it was a struggle to write. 
> 
> Dunno why though.
> 
> *shrugs*
> 
> I also changed the ending of 'The Poopening'! Your welcome RadioactiveZombieKitty
> 
> So go on, get! Before I change my mind.
> 
> Enjoy my nuggies, and remember, 
> 
> Don't go shoppin, if your butthole is itchin'
> 
> *winks*

Today started off as a bad day.

First, as soon as you hopped out of bed, you stubbed your toe.

That shit hurt like a bitch.

You then hobbled your way into the living room, only to be bombarded with the thick stench of smoke.

Apparently Papyrus had learnt how to disable the smoke detector, claiming 'it was annoying and didn't go off at the correct times.

You rushed to open the windows, lest you add carbon monoxide poisoning to the list of things to go wrong this morning. 

After a stern, but well meaning, lecture about the importance of smoke detectors, Papyrus reluctantly set it back up.

After you'd cleared the smoke and set yourself up with a mug of coffee, Papyrus offered you a plate of breakfast. 

Not wanting to risk food poisoning, you politely declined, claiming to feel ill.

Papyrus had more than enough to say about this. 'WEAK HUMANS AND THEIR INABILITY TO BE ABLE TO INGEST FINE CUISINE. WHAT'S THE POINT IN BEING A MASTER CHEF AT ALL.'

You kept silent as you sipped your coffee, agreeing with him every now and again.

If only to avoid further complaints.

After about fifteen minutes straight of hearing about how 'MONSTERS ARE THE GREATER RACE', you politely excuse yourself and head up to take a shower.

When you reach the top of the stairs you hear water running.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Sans, can you hurry it up in there?" You call through the door.

He doesn't answer. 

You bang on the door once again.

"Hurry up!" 

"I'll be ready when I'm ready!" He responds.

Deciding to wait it out, you take a seat on the top step and wait your turn.

Fifteen minutes and four levels of candy crush later he finally makes an appearance.

"Fucking finally." You grump, brushing against his shoulder as you make your way into the bathroom.

You lock the door with a slam, dumping your clothes onto the bathroom counter. You turn on the spray and quickly strip down, eager to feel the warmth on your skin. 

HOT DAMN!

You let out a harsh yelp, stumbling back and pressing yourself flat against the wall.

That shit is as cold as a polar bear's asshole. 

You hear Sans' howling laughter echoing from behind the door.

"Have a nice shower!" He calls, filling you with rage.

"F-FUCK Y-YOU SANS!" You yell through the chattering of your teeth. 

His laughter fades away as you hear his heavy footsteps on the stairs.

You hope he trips.

You glare at the icy death water and decide you'll take your chances.

You step into the icy spray, using the tried and true method of 'pits, tits, ass' as you scramble to make your shower as short as possible.

Today is starting off to be a bad day.

~^*^~

That afternoon, you decide to go and do what you've been putting off since you got kicked out. 

...The gym.

Where dreams come to die.

You're here with Declan, an old buddy of yours from your dancing years. 

Back in the day you both used to be dance partners, that is until you lost your mother.

That's when you decided to quit. 

Although you lost touch with many of your old dance friends, Declan always stuck around.

Like a stray dog... or a leech.

These days the most time you spend with each other is the time you spend at the gym and the dinners you have afterwards.

Although you only spend a couple of hours a week together, you still count Declan as one of your closest friends. 

He can still be a dick though.

"Declan!" You call, trying to get the heedless boy's attention.

He completely ignores you, too busy chatting up a muscle head by the treadmills to answer your fruitless calls.

"Declan!" You cup your hands around your mouth, trying in vain to call him over

You take in a gulp of air to yell his name as loud as you can, if only to embarrass him. 

"DEC-"

"Hey, you looking for someone to spot you?"

Your stop yelling abruptly, turning your head to address the person talking to you. 

You're met with a solid wall of blue scaled muscle and you turn slack-jawed as you turn your face up to meet her eyes.

Or rather, eye.

Her face breaks out into a sharp toothed grin. 

"Fuhuhuhu! What's with the face? You never seen a monster before?" She jeers, placing her hands on her hips. 

Oh wow, she's gorgeous. 

You quickly snap out of your stupor.

"Pfft, I wish." You chuckle, trying to wave off your accidental brain fart. 

"Currently living with two of them and I'm pretty sure one of them has an agenda against me. " You laugh, scratching your neck. 

"That sure does sound like Sans." She chuckles. 

You do a double take, feeling a bit freaked out.

"I uh," You swallow, leaning away from her. "I never mentioned his name." You eye her warily.

She throws her head back with laughter.

"Fuhuhuhuhu! I just realised how creepy that sounds." She wipes a non-existent tear from her eye.

She sticks out a hand. 

"I'm Undyne, I see you sometimes through the window when Papyrus and I go for our morning jog."

You reluctantly take her hand. 

"____" You give it a firm shake. "Glad to see you're not a stalker." You give a quirk of your lip, attempting humour.

"Nah, trust me, if I was stalking you," She leans her face close to yours. "You wouldn't know until it was too late."

You let out a nervous little laugh and take your hand back. She straightens, clapping her hands once.

"So, about this spotting." She grins, stepping behind the weight.

You lie back, giving you a full view of her sports bra clad underboob.

'Okay, storing that one away for the wank-bank.'

You shake out your arms, if only to give yourself something to do. 

'Don't stare, it's rude.' 

You lift the barbell off of it's hooks and start pumping it.

"So," You start, "How do you know Sans and Papyrus?" You ask conversationally, your voice a tad breathless as you continue to lift the weight.

"Those punks?" She scoffs, hunching over to keep her hands under the bar. "Known them since they were kids." She sniffs.

"That must have been interesting for you." You smirk, still not staring at her bosom.

Not staring at all.

You huff a laugh. 

"I can almost imagine their attitudes as kids. Must've been a riot."

"You can say that again." She smirks, a wistful look gracing her features. "Papyrus was such a handful back in the day, always getting up to mischief." 

"I can imagine." You picture a tiny Papyrus running about and suppress the urge to 'daww'.

"Hey, you mind helping me put this down-" 

"That reminds me." Her face turns pensive.

Why do you suddenly feel cold? 

"If you ever," Her voice takes on a threatening tone. "And I mean EVER! hurt one of those brothers." 

Your arms begin to shake with the weight of the barbell.

"Undyne?"

"I'd make your life so unbearable, that Hell would pale in comparison."

You really can't hold this much longer.

"Undyne!"

"Are we clear?"

"Undyne please!" You cry, your arms threatening to give out.

"Are we clear punk!?" She snarls at you.

"CLEAR, CLEAR, WE'RE CRYSTAL CLEAR!" You yelp, in imminent danger of getting your trachea crushed. 

She grabs hold of the bar, lifting it out of your reach as if it was as light as a feather.

You sit up and grasp your aching biceps. Undyne sees this as a perfect opportunity to clap you as hard as she can on the back.

"Hauugh." You gasp.

Oh god, you think she might've dislocated a lung.

"Good talk punk! Glad to see we're on the same page!" 

You give her a small smile.

Fucking weirdo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, that was a struggle. 
> 
> I hope you know I haven't forgotten about you and love all my children equally.
> 
> I mean 119 kudos and 40 comments!?
> 
> A nugget can only dream. 
> 
> Here's your replies my lovelies!;  
> SloaneConri- 'nonsense is my middle name!... actually its Penelope but who cares. *mournes the loss of our dear beloved mcdonalds*'  
> Randymony- 'thank you for being here like ZOOM, it means a lot to me *sniffs*'  
> Da_Hatter56- 'I also wanted stir fry. *salivates* and don't worry, the 'ARGUEMENT' (yes, THAT serious) will come in due time... so will our dear reader tapping that non-exsistant ass *wink wonk*'  
> ZairossDrake- 'where'd they go? *shouts* I LOVE YOUR SUPPORT!.. hope they heard that...'  
> Blue_skeleton6289- 'I think he enjoyed it too ^.^ chill dude.'  
> OversizedGrape- 'writing this with no sleep at 6:53 am hits differently lol'  
> SeaRose88- 'thanks for your love! I'll put it in my heart for safe keeping. Also SPOILER ALERT DING DING DING, there will be babysitting *giggles*'
> 
> And that is that, 
> 
> Don't ask me for anything else, y'hear?
> 
> Only kidding, I'll spoil you all, my precious babies ^*^ 
> 
> Until next time. 
> 
> Peace out and wash yo bums


	8. Mini Freakouts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Declan is worried and you couldn't care less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all.
> 
> Miss me?
> 
> I know you did!
> 
> I missed me too
> 
> And because it's such a special occasion, I've decided to commemorate this momentous occasion with,
> 
> *drumroll*
> 
> The Meme Of The Day!!!...Week?....Two Weeks?
> 
> Idk.
> 
> Meme of the Chapter.
> 
> Where I post a meme that's been knocking around in my noggin for your enjoyment. 
> 
> So here goes. 
> 
> '*clicks* noice.'
> 
> Only OG memers know that one. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy they smut sinners!

After multiple hours and one freak out later, you and Declan are sitting down for a meal.

This consists of two Subs and an Ice cream brownie.

You never said you were healthy.

"Urgh, my head hurts so bad." Declan groans.

You take a bite of your sub, sauce dripping down your chin.

"I told you about those cocktails man, one minute they taste like juice and the next you can't walk." You shrug, swallowing your messy bite.

Declan's face turns a paler shade of green.

"You are so disgusting." He gripes, turning his scowling face away.

You smirk.

"Normally I'd reply with a witty comeback," You pick a stray piece of lettuce from your teeth." But since you look like the human embodiment of gonorrhea, I'll let it go just this once." You wink at him, taking amusement from his suffering.

His scowl only deepens.

"Go choke on a bag of dicks."

You raise your eyebrows.

"Would you like to demonstrate that for me Declan?"

He throws a balled up napkin at your face, this does nothing to deter you however, as you continue to laugh at his pain.

He turns his face to the table and gives a reluctant huff of laughter, causing your grin to widen as you take another bite of your sub.

"Why did you even go to the gym today if you feel so shitty?" You swallow your bite. "I mean you could've skipped leg day in all honesty."

Declan lifts his head and places it on his hands, propped up by his elbows.

"You don't understand," He huffs, picking at the bread of his sandwich. "Petra would have my ass if she found out I skipped working out in favour of partying last night."

He groans, pulling the ties on his hoodie to effectively hide his face.

"Sometimes I really hate dance." He grumbles.

You roll your eyes.

"If you hate it that much then just quit." You point at yourself, careful to keep your sauce coated hands away from your prized hamburger print merchandise.

It is one of your favourites after all.

"I did, now look at me, couldn't be happier."

Declan pulls his hoodie to the side to expose his dubious expression.

"Dude, you're super depressed and need five cups of coffee to even function in the morning." He deadpans, his voice as dry as sandpaper. "I hardly think you qualify as the poster child for happiness."

"Why Declan," You mock gasp."I'll have you know I've won the Little Miss Sunshine awards for five years running."

"I'm sure you did." He gripes, a sour look on his face.

"You know it!" You beam, before winking and finishing off the last bite of your sandwich.

Declan watches you with ire, probably wishing you would choke.

Jokes on him, your gag reflex has never been more intolerant.

... And that has nothing to do with your bedroom habits.

Nothing at all.

"So, how've you been doing since moving? I know you hate living with people." Declan asks, finally taking a bird-like bite of his BLT.

"Ugh, don't get me started." You slump in your chair, throwing your head back before heaving a dramatic sigh.

"I wasn't even there half a day before shit hit the fan."

Declan snorts.

"Oh please, elaborate. I'm sure it wasn't that bad." He chides, shaking his head at you.

You look him dead in the eye.

"He tore up his brother's copy of the lease and then started spewing racism." You deadpan, arching a brow.

"Oh," He gapes, "Oh damn. That is bad."

He seems to do a double take.

"Wait, what did you say? Racism? What did he say to you?" His slender hands clench into fists as his face turns murderous.

Well, as murderous as Declan's face could possibly look.

Which isn't much.

You kinda feel flattered.

"Calm down, it was just some interspecies bull. He'll come around eventually."

You wave him away before taking a bite of your second sauce filled sub.

"Interspecies?... wait." He seems to come to some sort of conclusion.

"____, are you telling me you live with..." He leans forward conspiratorially, wary of being overheard.

"Monsters..?"

You arch a brow, not believing this nonsense.

You swallow your bite before responding.

"Are you for real? You do realise how bad that sounds?"

His face turns beet red as he leans back in his chair, thoroughly cowed.

"You know I don't mean it like that." He mutters, avoiding eye-contact and folding his arms across his chest.

"Well, from my perspective, it looked like you were implying there was something wrong with me living with monsters?"

"I didn't- I wasn't-"

"Don't worry dude," You pap his arm affectionately. "Nobody was here to witness your bout of cultural insensitivity." You tease, taking another bite of your sub.

"I hate you," He glares at you heatedly, mentally boring holes into your forehead with his mind .

"Love ya too bub." You reply through a mouthful of bread, causing him to scowl.

A minute passes in silence before Declan speaks up again, leaning towards you once more.

"You do realise monsters are dangerous, right?" He questions, his face the picture of seriousness.

Your jaw drops.

This guy.

"Are you shitting me right now? Where on earth did you hear that kind of crackhead bullshit?" You laugh, trying and failing not to get a little annoyed at your long time friend.

"____, haven't you been watching the news?" He hisses, his eyes widening in disbelief. "Their king's killed like.. nine kids. They're all a bunch of lunatics!"

He looks around before dropping his voice low.

"I even heard that he and his wife boiled and ate their own kids." He whispers before quickly looking around to make sure a monster didn't spontaneously pop out from behind the sandwich bar.

You lean back in your chair and place your fingers in an almost prayer like fashion in front of your mouth, thoroughly done with this boy.

"So you mean to tell me," You point the apex of your hands towards him. "You're judging all monsters based on what you know about their king?"

He opens his mouth to speak.

"What? No! I-"

"How biased of you." You scold, "How would you like it if a monster came up to you and started comparing you to say, Hitler?"

You pause for effect, letting your words sink in.

He's left dumbstruck as he tries to think of an appropriate comeback.

"But that's not- I didn't-"

You decide to take pity on him.

"Look dude, I understand where you're coming from," You place your hand on his forearm, tapping it gently. "You have nothing to worry about."

"My roommate might be a douchebag and his brother may be a serial arsonist-" (That's not a joke, Papyrus may have actually committed arson.)

"But I can tell you in full confidence that I'm perfectly safe and you have nothing to worry about." You smile gently at him, he still looks skeptical.

"Okay fine, but I won't say I told you so if this goes ass over tits." He grumbles, crossing his arms.

You snort.

"Dude, stop being so paranoid, eat your damn BLT and let's go."

He reluctantly does so and the rest of your meal passes in silence.

Well, mostly silence.

"For fucks sake Declan! You made me melt my fucking ice cream!"

Declan nearly chokes on his lettuce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Never gonna give you up*
> 
> Hehehe.
> 
> You just got rick roll'd.
> 
> Gotcha! Did you really think I was gonna post smut?
> 
> This early? 
> 
> Oh no my precious beans.
> 
> I'm much too classy for that *chokes on cigarette smoke*
> 
> Or am I?
> 
> Muahahahahahaha- *coughcoughcough*
> 
> SloaneConri- 'I'm ashamed to admit I had to look up what 'Freudian' meant... thanks tho!'
> 
> aroundincircl3s- 'Snas is definitely a dick and fish bitch is definitely a bitch, thanks for noticing!'
> 
> Cristal(two in one)- 'The next update is now!.. And Sans is always confused, it's his aesthetic.'
> 
> etisreal- 'Me neither!!... oh wait... love your pic btw'
> 
> OversizedGrape - 'That won't be the last threat you hear from Gayfish Gayfish the Gayfish, many more awkward moments to come!'
> 
> ADestielFanGurl- '*chefs kiss* you vwill get more my precious little naggetsy (is Russian for chicken nugget)'
> 
> DeadFlamingUnicorn- '~Damn she a sexy fish, a sexy fish, Damn she a sexy fish... Dayum Gurl~ -David guetta, ft. Akon'
> 
> RadioactiveZombieKitty- 'Dem struggles are true bruh *nods sagely*'
> 
> IEnjoySoup- 'lots of other CHARActers will be added shortly... *winkwonk*
> 
> Blue_skeleton6289- 'Dayum, cold showers do suck *frowny face*'
> 
> SeaRose88- '*squeals like a piggy* thanks for calling this awesome, I'm glad I can make you laugh and don't worry, prank wars are on the horizon *rubs hands together menacingly*'
> 
> So anyway, as always, 
> 
> Give me comments!!!
> 
> I live to hear your feedback! 
> 
> It gives me life. 
> 
> Don't hesitate either to send me your ideas,
> 
> Who knows, 
> 
> I might just plagiarize them.
> 
> ....
> 
> Don't sue me! 
> 
> Until next time, 
> 
> Peace, love and wash yo bums!


	9. Are you a banana? Cause I find you a peeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there nuggies.
> 
> Yeah.. I know.
> 
> I'M SORRY OKAY!?
> 
> This chapter took sooooooooooooooooo long to write and I honestly can't believe I've finished it.
> 
> I know you guys have been waiting for awhile but *clasps hands in front of chest*
> 
> Fowgive me?
> 
> *collective awww from the audience*
> 
> Nevertheless, even if you do or don't forgive me, I forgive myself.
> 
> And I love myself.
> 
> Even though I look like a burnt chicken nugget.
> 
> I still love myself :)
> 
> ~Le engoy~

Today is Thursday and, as per usual, you awake with a hankering for coffee and a fresh migraine from cat related sleep deprivation.

Same old, same old.

Well...

"DON'T YOU DARE MAKE EXCUSES SANS! YOU KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME!"

The hell..?

"Yeah well I got shit to do!"

"DON'T YOU TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME!"

"I'll take whatever fuckin' tone I want! I fuckin' live here!"

Looks like the brothers are arguing again, you swear it's like candy to them.

"I SWEAR SANS, SO HELP ME ASGORE, I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS SO HARD INTO THE GROUND-!"

You hear Sans' grating laughter.

"That you'll what? Dust me? Fat chance!"

What the hell is going on out there?

"SANS! YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING! DON'T YOU DISRESPECT ME!"

SLAM!

“I can’t believe he disrespected me!”

You pull yourself out of bed, only to hear Papyrus’ heavy boots stomping past outside your door.

"SANS! GET YOUR LAZY ASS BACK HERE!”

Oooh~ this is gonna be a good one. 

You’re probably just being nosy, but you can't pass up a chance at watching Sans get laid into by his brother.

It’s your new favorite pastime.

You exit your room, watching as Papyrus slams open the front door in pursuit of his brother.

Shit's about to go down. 

"SANS, YOU UNGRATEFUL CRETIN! GET BACK HERE!”

The shorter monster, who has only gotten as far as the sidewalk turns and fixes his brother with a glare. 

"What do you want me to do Papyrus?” He snaps, “I’m late for work as it is!”

Papyrus scoffs, "OH PLEASE, WE BOTH KNOW YOU WERE LET OFF A WEEK   
AGO."

Sans has the good grace to look sheepish.

“Wasn’t really plannin on you findin out about that.” He mutters, scratching the back of his skull.

Papyrus scoffs, "OF COURSE I FOUND OUT! GRILLBY TOLD ME YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME STUCK AT THAT BAR INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY CONTRIBUTING TO THE HOUSEHOLD!"

That dirty freeloader! He's been scrounging off of you guys.

Sans holds up his hands in a placating gesture, "Look Papyrus I can explain."

"I DON'T WANT YOUR EXPLANATIONS!" Papyrus yells, flinging his arms out to the sides, "I WANT YOU TO CLEAN YOUR DAMN ROOM!"

You just about lose your shit, 'THAT'S what this is about!?’

“YOU WILL COME INSIDE AND-”

“I ain’t doing it!”

"SANS, I SWEAR TO ASGORE, IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR BUTT INSIDE I’M DISOWNING YOU!"

Sans face darkens, a low growl escaping him.

"You can't make me."

Papyrus gets all up in his face.

"YES I DAMN WELL CAN!"

Sans edges closer, their noses a hair's breadth apart.

"No you can't."

This, obviously, results in a lengthy shouting match between the brothers.

Dear god, you're living with five year olds.

"CAN!"

“Can’t!“

“CAN!”

“Fuck you!”

“ALRIGHT NOW YOU’RE BEING CHILDISH!”

Sans throws up his hands.

“ALRIGHT FINE!”

Are you the only adult in this house?

He turns on his heel, stalking back to the house, Papyrus hot on his heels.

You head to the kitchen and greet them as they walk in.

“So, you two done bickering?”

He points a threatening finger at you, visibly bristling at your jab.

“Maybe you should mind your own damn business.”

“I would, but it’s hard when you're airing yours out like dirty laundry.”

He growls, “Shut your mouth, I’m in no mood for your bullshit today.”

“Why?“ You grin, “You got grounded?” You jeer, leaning forward on the table.

He opens his mouth to retort.

“ENOUGH!” Papyrus snaps, clearly at his final tether with you both. “BOTH OF YOU WILL SHUT UP AND STOP BEHAVING LIKE CHILDREN IMMEDIATELY!”

Papyrus outburst is enough to shut you up as you both turn from each other sheepishly.

“NOW,” He clears his throat, “IF YOU DON’T MIND, I’D LIKE TO ADDRESS THE DAY OF THE WEEK.”

You tilt your head, "It’s Thursday."

Sans bursts out laughing.

“Dumbass.” He chuckles, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye. You shoot him with a glare.

Papyrus takes a moment to answer you, closing his eye sockets as if to ask some higher deity for an ounce of patience.

"TODAY IS THURSDAY," Papyrus starts, extenuating his words as if speaking to a pair of small children, "BUT IT IS ALSO CLEANING DAY," He looks to Sans, gritting his teeth, "WHICH MEANS A CERTAIN SOMEBODY NEEDS TO CLEAN HIS ROOM."

Sans glares right back, "I did it last week! It's still clean!"

Papyrus slams his hands down on the counter, "IF YOU THINK THAT PIGSTY YOU CALL A ROOM IS CLEAN THEN I'M A FLYING MOLDSMAL!" He barks, his frustration getting the better of him."YOU CAN SMELL THE STENCH FROM DOWN THE HALL!"

Sans has the gall to look offended. 

"That's probably just the human stink wafting up from downstairs.” He retorts, throwing his hands out in outrage. "Have you seen what she does in the toilet!?"

"Fuck you!" You seeth, "At least I don't walk around smelling like some cheap dive bar!

"Sweetheart," He mocks, "That's just your upper lip you're smellin'."

"Naw, I'm pretty sure it’s that ugly ass jacket that you stole from the nineties."

"ENOUGH!"

You’re both startled out of your bickering by an enraged Papyrus, who looks about ready to strangle the both of you. 

He takes a deep breath, "YOU WILL CLEAN YOUR ROOM," He looks directly at Sans, "OR SO HELP ME."

"AND YOU," He turns his gaze to you, fixing you with a hard stare.

"YOU SHALL HELP HIM."

You're outraged, "Hey! I didn't do nuthin!" You exclaim, pointing to Sans "And I sure as hell am not helping him clean that cum stained cesspit he calls a room!"

Sans shoves a finger into your face.

"Fuck you! I don't want your nasty human germs dirtying up my space anyhow!"

You throw your hands up in exasperation, "AND we're back to racism, great job Sans."

"I don't need your fucking self righteosness right now, okay!?

"Ohh~ we're using big words today! Got any more?"

"SHUT UP!"

Papyrus looks about ready to commit homicide as he fiercely juts a finger toward the stairs.

"GO. UPSTAIRS. NOW."

"Papyrus-"

"NO! I WILL NOT HEAR TELL OF IT! GO. UPSTAIRS. NOW!"

"You can't boss me-"

"NOW!"

"Alright fine!" Sans relents, stomping off towards the stairs.

Papyrus raises a threatening brow ridge toward you and you easily relent.

"Fine," you sigh, "But I'm getting changed first." And with that you head off towards your room.

~Later~

"Is that a sock tornado!?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna say a big thank you to all the nuggets that commented last chapter.
> 
> I <3 you all!
> 
> But today I'm not gonna reply to any comments,
> 
> Not cause I don't want too!!
> 
> I'm just tired :(
> 
> Peace out! And wash yo bums!


End file.
